In response to Vickie’s latest post, I have spent the last hour (procrastinating on the papers I desperately need to write for tomorrow) digging up this list:

Before I turn 27: I want:

*To visit AT LEAST two different countries

*Get thrown out of a nightclub for general rowdiness. Not necissarly drunken rowdiness, but just rowdiness.

*Sunbath at a topless beach

*Own a dog and a cat

*Write a novel

*Get said novel published

*Bartend

*Take dance lessons

*Learn two new art forms

*Throw a huge costume party people talk about for years

*Own and wear a littleblackdresss that makes men's mouths hang open.

Which was originally inspired by a post fromAutumn, but I couldn’t find hers. I tried. Of my pitiful list of 11 I have acutally completed 2.5. I suck at this game. So, I’m thinking…

Andy, you and me getting kicked out of a bar in Pakistan? Then prehaps I’ll wear a black dress in India while learning bellydancing? Sound like fun? Or maybe we can go to Peru and I’ll write a book about my experiences on the Sipan monuments? Anyways, my lack of getting things accomplished has been noted, and I promise Vickie, I will do better this year. Or I’ll try.

Date:	2005-04-14 18:39
Subject:	freakofnature
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

I think I’m falling apart. No really.

My face is all crazy broken out.

I can’t sleep more than 3 hours without waking up. Once that initial wake up happens I will wake up every 30 minutes for the rest of the night in panic-there’s-someone-in-the-house-mode ready to kill someone.

I’m moody and hormonal like a sonofabitch.

There are 4, yes 4 new bruises on my legs and I have no clue where they came from. They’re not bad, just noticeable. And in odd places.

I feel a compulsive need to shower like twice a day. (I’m refraining so I don’t strip my skin of all moisture and look like an even bigger freak)


Now normally, I would just smile (or bare my teeth in a fake smile) and write it off to it “being that time of the month” since that seems to be everyone’s normal excuse…


But I still have three weeks before I get to use that one.

Damnit.


Any guesses?





Maybe it's the freaky cold rain..... no? you sure? Just maybe...? OK.

Date:	2005-04-13 11:19
Subject:	merde II
Security:	Public
Mood:	guilty

I just realized that as I cleaned the house for the last hour and a half, vaccumming, mopping, running the dishwaser and singing along with CMT on blast-force volume on the TV Emily was asleep (or trying to sleep) in her room.



shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

I really had no idea she was home.


I am the worst roomie ever.



hopefully she won't be tooo pissed at me. Please don't be too pissed at me Emmy?

I. H.A.T.E. U.N.C.W.


Bry,

I just talked to the graduate school, and they have your complete package, which they are sending over right away. We are still in the middle of considering a number of other applications, so yours will get full consideration with the rest. You’ll hear from the grad school as soon as we make a decision. Cheers, LW



-----Original Message-----
From: Sarver, Sabryna N.
Sent: Monday, April 04, 2005 12:45 PM
To: Walker, Lewis
Subject: Graduate School



Dr. Walker,



Hi Dr, Walker, I hope your semester is going well. My name is Bry Sarver, I was in your Shakespeare class last semester, Early Writings. I also have applied to UNCW's Graduate Program in English. I have not heard anything from the school, and was wondering if you could let me know anything about my status. I am worried that perhaps something is missing, and this is why I haven't heard anything from the school. If you have any spare time, and could just let me know what my status as an applicant is, I would be very grateful. Thanks so much for your time!



Bry Sarver


No ownder I haven't heard anything! They didn't even have my freakin application!

Bry: I was not aware that you were completing an honors thesis, or that you requested that I serve on the committee. Who is the chair of your committee, and when did you select them?



Mark Boren



-----Original Message-----
From: Sarver, Sabryna N.
Sent: Monday, April 04, 2005 5:42 PM
To: Boren, Mark
Subject: Honors Defense



Professors,



As you might be aware, I am completing my Honors Thesis this semester, and one of those requirements is an oral defense before this panel. I will have a copy of my paper to you by Monday, April 11th. I would like to have the defense on either Thursday, April 21st between 2 and 3 PM or on Monday, April 25th between 11 and 12 PM. Please email me back at your convenience to let me know what time works the best for you. Hopefully everyone will be able to meet at one of these times. Thank you for your time.



Bry Sarver





AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why? Why God? I knew it was all going too easy.

merde merde merde.

Date:	2005-04-04 13:02
Subject:	Cryin shame.
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

I just want to state:


In the grand scheme of things it is completely unfair for me to check the mail, not even hoping (as I gave up on that sometime around Easter Break) that I might have heard from UNCW for there to be not one, but two large white envelopes, (you know the kind, the kind acceptance letters and information packets come in) sitting in innocent glory in the mailbox.

My heart skipped a beat; perhaps I wasn’t going to have to email Dr. Walker after all. Perhaps my pride will be slaved….

Which to look at first however, this is extremely unfair, how to choose? The thicker one? The more professional looking one? AHHHHH! The decisions! UNFAIR!!!


Mostly, however, this situation is extremely unfair because NEITHER OF THEM were for me.

Now, I do not begrudge my roommates their packets, I am happy they got said packets (especially if Emily’s is what I believe it to be). However, I just want to state, for the record, to that bitch Fortune, who controls that bastard son Life, you are a tease, and an unfair tease at that.


So there.





n other news, Austin and I have managed not to kill each other for another year. What shall I be doing on this special day? Working on my honors thesis until I cannot understand the English language. <> I have just realized that I have exactly 17-20 days until my defense, and only 7 days until I have to turn in my finalized copy to be butchered to my panel. Needless to say, lots of typy-typy going on here this weekend.


Other good news, Mamma is more than likely coming down for my defense, so I will have some kind moral support as I am forced to defend my thoughts and research. (just the thought makes me want to vomit.)


Everything else is status quo, however, if anyone is not using, or knows someone not using all of his or her commencement tickets, I am in need of two, if not three. I am willing to pay for them. Let me know.

Date:	2005-03-24 19:51
Subject:	musings
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Because I’m a bit on the spastic side, (OK, more than a bit. Mom and Dad should have made me keep those dance lessons when I was small, I bet I would be the example of grace) and because some of the employees at B&N lack an abundance of common sense I got the extreme pleasure of kicking the SHIT out of an open dishwasher door the other day. Not a genteel, loving plastic dishwasher door, a heavy duty I-hate-life-and-now-you-shall-too industrial dishwasher door. It hurt like hell, and immediately purpled up and formed a nice knot on my shin. But that was almost a week ago. I expect it to look worse, and hurt if I touch it, but should it still be THROBBING every time I shower? Is this normal, or should I be worried. Not that it matters if its not normal, I’m not going to the doctor anyways, I just want to know if I should be worried.

I also just watched Ajax get stuck OUTSIDE the window, and freak the hell out until I stopped laughing and open it back up to let him in. I closed it all but like 5 inches so it wouldn’t be so drafty. I honestly didn’t think he would be able to get his bulk through the opening, so I hopped in the shower. Exit the shower to find he had managed to squeeze out on the ledge, and has TRIED to squeeze back in, but has gotten stuck half way. He is howling with indignation, but all I could do is laugh at how ridicules he looks. This is why I cannot have children, instead of showing them with SUVs ala AUT, I will just laugh at their misfortunes, thus probably producing the next Unabomber. Awesome.

Date:	2005-03-24 15:45
Subject:	HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Austin is 23 today, everyone call him Grandpa (and conveniently forget that in 7 months I will be too). I’m sure there will be some kinds of craziness here tonight for anyone still in town, maybe some 22 North action (as long as it’s not as freaking busy as last night) or a beer pong tournament (which is what I’m pulling for since it’s so freaking pretty today.) Call me if you have any good idea. I would like to take him out to dinner; so again, I’ll get on the horn and let everyone know what’s going on.

And, in order to kill time before Maradith and I attack her new house with wall paint…

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet | Street you grew up on)
- Pepper Tuxedo
YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Favorite snack | Grandfather's first name)
- Cracker Warren
EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite spice | Last foreign vacation spot)
- Rosemary Cozumel
"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First initial | First two or three letters of your last name)
- S. Sar (sounds like something out of a bad military movie)
ICON ALIAS: (Something sweet within sight | Any liquid in kitchen)
- Cookie Draino
DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite baby animal | Where you went to high school)
- Kitty North (should be Kitty North Central, but that just sounded weird)
BARFLY ALIAS: (Last snack food you ate | Favorite alcoholic drink)
- Cracker Cosmo
SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle name | Street where you first lived)
- Nicole Bayside
ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite candy | Last name of favorite musician)
- M&M Apple

Somehow my names aren’t as cool or fun as andy’s… Drat, I lose again.

Quick survey….


Exactly how much do you tip for a meal at a place like Perkins? (Your meal = about $10)

For a dinner at a place like Bluewater? ($15)

How much at a bar? (Tab for three beers @ $5. Tab for 4 martinis @ $12)


For the record, cuz I know I over tip, but I just want to know exactly how much I over tip.

Date:	2005-03-23 17:38
Subject:	haha! Survey!
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Only because I know they piss everyone else off... and I have free time.

Bold anything that applies to you and add one to the end.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more TV than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses/contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor/whip/whatever weapon you want here everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my Livejournal.
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good dancer.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've never had the cops called on me.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie. (no matter HOW bad it looks)
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "South Park" movie.
086. I have blown off work to have some fun.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend(s).
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome!
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody I had never met.
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest movies/books ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the TV show “The O.C.”
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have dated someone longer than 6 months.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the ASPCA.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.
127. I once stole something.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have had mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong boys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.
140. I am a cuddler.
141. I love John Waters films.
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
144. One of my boobs is bigger than the other.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I love Dr. Pepper.
147. I'm a programmer.
148. I can't explain why I'm unhappy at times.
149. I own and have read all of the Harry Potter books.
150. I like to smell my own hair.
151. I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go.
152. I have an eating disorder.
153. I have flown to a different country to see a band.
154. Been hospitalized for "mental issues".
155. I have survived totaling a car I was driving.
156. I am addicted to a Manga/anime.
157. Some how I always seem to get myself into trouble.
158. I have dated someone for longer than 5 years.
159. I have been hit by flying Eric Szmanda spittle.
160. I have lived in three different countries.
161. I have tattoos.
162. I have lost someone I cared about deeply.
163. I've filled out an obscenely long quiz.
164. I am not human until I have had some form of caffiene.
165. I can't use can openers.
166. I have/do cut myself as result of depression.
167. I distrust the government.
168. I confuse sex and love.

169. I giggle/laugh to hide my true feelings.

Date:	2005-03-08 22:33
Subject:	New South?
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Uh-oh, looks like Dodge has ruffled feathers in Texas...

http://lonestarmusic.typepad.com/lonestarmusiccom_blog/2005/02/one_of_these_th.html


I still want to know what the hell the 'new south' is.

Any clues here? I'm just a little Mid-Western girl from the sticks, I don't know these new fangled terms.

Wrong link, if you really want to know about the QAR the link is, http://www.ah.dcr.state.nc.us/qar/

Apparently the old one (www.QARonline.com) is no longer operational. They needed a bigger site.

Sorry.

Date:	2005-02-22 15:04
Subject:	ballast stone from your past.
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

You know what's creepy? Seeing the Wagoner employee, (of cut-in-half-guy fame) from freshman year working at the Sea Hawk Grill every tuesday.

You know what's creepier? Hearing someone you don't know refer to him by the name you and your friends called him. (Cut-in-half guy).


And The creepiest of all, realizing that yes, you did actually learn something in all those Archeology classes the last four years. I can read a site map of a shipwreck like it's no one's business. I thought it was just beacuse I spent most of last summer looking at the site plan for the QAR
( www.qaronline.com ) but then while in the library I was looking at some other ones, (because I'm a huge nerd) and realized I was reading those right too!! Whoo-hoo, I'm not a complete dunce after all!

Date:	2005-02-18 18:38
Subject:	work work work
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

It's bad news when the new girl can run circles around you and you've been there for 6 months, right?


In Nicole's defense however, she does normally work in books.


But really, how hard is it to make a latte?



Mwhahahahahahahahah.



two weeks is up, I will now run Barnes and Noble.

Date:	2005-02-15 09:04
Subject:	Io mi chiama stupido.
Security:	Public
Mood:	creative

I think I bombed my Italian test today.


It’s not my fault that I suddenly remembered WAAAAAAAY more French than Italian for no reason. (French word for hair? Chevaux. Italian word for hair, I have no clue.)


Why God didn’t I take Spanish or French. Why most I always do the hard, new thing?



Side Note: If anyone knows where or how to take tile laying classes, (as in how to install new tile in your home) let me know, I've decided it's my new hobbie. I get mosiac, but I want to learn about the big stuff, tile for kitchen floors and bathroom tubs.

Date:	2005-02-15 09:00
Subject:	Flower Waltz
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared

Highlight of my valentines day?

Going into B&N to find out one of the regulars, (by one I mean we have no idea) has bough every female B&N worker flowers.

Now, I was thinking, perhaps we all got a daisy, or maybe if he was feeling generous, a carnation. Oh was I wrong.

This guy had bought every worker a vase with two tulips (nice, variegated tulips mind you) greenery, and baby daisies. Talk about a baller (shot caller!). I don’t want to think about how much this must have cost.

But then I did really want to know, so I went online. And I couldn’t find any answers. So I called FDT. (yes, I realize this is boarding on crazy)

According to the indi/pakastani sound girl (cuz should couldn’t have been more than 12) I talked to told me that although she wasn’t exactly sure, (Apparently FDT doesn’t DO that kind of thing) she guessed that each vase set would have been about 15 a pop, plus a small delivery fee. Now I know there were at least 20 there when I got there, and I know about 10 had already gone home. That’s going to be at least 450 big ones.

WHO THE HELL SPENDS 450 DOLLARS ON FLOWERS FOR EMPLOYEES OF HIS FAVORITE STORE AND DOESN”T LEAVE A NAME?!?!?! (yes, the card was anonymous.)


I’m a bit creeped out right now.



Pop Quiz, the first person (besides Autumn) to tell me what the title of this post is in refrence to wins a prize!!

Date:	2005-02-10 21:54
Subject:	candy from strangers
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

I made new friends at Wal Mart tonight.

I was in the pasta aisle, picking up fettuccine for dinner tomorrow, and two men, how really looked like stereotypical construction workers, walked over to me with a cart full of food, and asked me if I knew where the disposable cooking dishes were. I replied that they were in aisle 8, with the baking goods. (I know this cuz I normally spend close to 20 minutes there whenever I go to Wal Mart). These two workingmen looked at me like I had just told them the location of the fabled pot of gold. They informed me that they had asked several people, including a Wal Mart employees, and no one had been able to tell them where to find the dishes.

Next they asked if I was Italian, since I was looking at pasta. I laughed, (nervously, damn me for showing fear) and told them that for the most part my family was Scottish and American Indian. They took this opportunity to introduce themselves as Spider and Skelly, and tell me their nationalities (Irish and something mumbled). Next thing I know they want me to come and help them make and enjoy the nachos they need the dish for. I told them I would love to, but I have to go pick up some salmon and go do homework. I proceed to run like hell.


Now, you’re probably thinking my evening is over here, and that this is the end of my story… but no. I finally find everything else I need, and spend a little bit of time in the DVD area looking for SAW thinking it would be out (its out NEXT Tuesday, suck) and proceed to the checkout. Who do I see in the shortest line? SPIDER AND SKELLY! Yes, and before I can run to the other end of the store Spider has spotted me and waves me over. Now, granted, they did probably save me 20 minutes of line time by letting me go ahead of them, but still, I booked it like a mad woman to me car and peeled out of the parking lot on the phone with Maradith for all I was worth. Looking back, they were more than likely harmless, nice guys, but I got a creepy vibe and once I get one of those I am out the door.


Now that everyone has had a chuckle, or at least a smile I hope, I found out tonight that I am not going to Belize this summer as planned. I am a bit bummed, but I think I’ll muddle through. Apparently they normally have 15-20 students go, and this year they already have 35 applications and 35 $200 dollar deposits. Since they don’t want to turn down any students, I along with a couple of other “non-essential” faculty members, (including Dr. Simmons’s wife) are not going to be able to go. This means I will be around for most of the summer, so for those of you planning to be in town, get ready for another awesome summer over-run with tourists and sweltering temps. Roxor!


But damn, Belize would have been the freakin’ heat.

I would like to apologize to anyone I’ve upset in the last month. I would explain why I’m such a bitch, but it’s all just excuses anyways.


So just take me with a grain of salt, or ignore me, I don’t care which.

And Mike, I'm still not sure how my lj prowness is related to me cooking dinner for you.


you can try and explain later.

Date:	2005-02-08 19:14
Subject:	new digs
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

All right, it's poll time! If I need a roomie for next year, (possibly the next two years) and I have to leave this beautiful home on Henderson St, I'm going here:

http://www.bryantrealestate.com/b_rentals.cfm

All I need to know, is who's coming with me?



(do not take this seriously, this house is out of my budget by about $175. But it is a beautiful house.)